Kurama's Day Out
by AlmostElectric
Summary: Naruto forces Kurama to go out for a while. Easier said than done when you've never had thumbs before. ONESHOT


_Kurama's Day Out_

* * *

"Oh, you'll really like them Kurama, they're like super great. And like, I need a break, you probably haven't spoken to another human except me in years, and you know. It'll be a jam!"

 **"I'm sure."**

"C'mon, get enthusiastic! Your cage is gonna be the best blanket fort ever when I put my mental pillows and plushies in it. Please?"

 **"Fine."** Kurama didn't even look up.

"Yes! You're the best stomach spirit ever, Kurama. Also, please don't forget to eat. Do you know how to do that? It's like, you use the chopsticks, and- oh also, my body can't digest anything except ramen, so you're going to have to eat that. Go to Ichiraku's and say you're the Nine Tailed Fox of legend, I've put in a good word for you."

* * *

Kurama did not like walking on two legs. It was... difficult. And he didn't understand clothes either.

Especially buttons, the most formidable ones of them all. He'd stood in front of the mirror for two hours this morning with these fat fingers trying to push through the things. It was, quite frankly, impossible. He did not like it. Naruto had emphasised, however, that it was "important" that he did not have his "junk swinging" when he met his friends. That it would "ruin his chances to become Hokage".

Personally, Kurama thought displaying the Meat would assert his dominance. Naruto disagreed.

Knock knock.

"Uh," a hesitant voice called. "Um... K-Kurama? Spirit of the underworld, tormenter of shinobi? You in?"

 **"Patience!"** he roared, but found himself just sounding a bit hoarse and sad.

"Um, alright. I'll wait."

"Christ, Sakura, I'll get it. Kurama."

 **"I SAID PATIENCE, MORTAL."**

"Is this because of the door handle?"

 **"NO!"**

It was. Kurama did not understand the door handle.

Sakura, presumably, called back. "Kurama, turn the little lock and we'll turn the handle."

He did, in silence. The shame. Oh, if Shukaku had seen him. The things he would've said.

When the door opened, Kurama, looking vaguely terrifying and unkempt like an angry cat, saw Sakura. He knew this one. It was pink.

 **"Greetings, female,"** he said.

"Yes, greetings," Sakura said awkwardly. "It's uh, lovely to meet you, Kyuu- Kurama."

Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she pointed across the hall, just behind the open door. "Oh my god! It's-It's _Uchiha Madara!"_

" **FIEND!** " Kurama shrieked, launching himself onto Madara, the founder of shinobi.

He found his claws quite ineffectual, so, Kurama was ashamed to say that he did bite the man's arm, screaming all the while.

"What the FUCK- Sakura, he just _bit_ me!"

Kurama looked up. Ah.

It was in fact, _not_ Uchiha Madara. It was that other one. Naruto's friend. The moody man in black. Easy mistake, he decided. All these humans looked the same.

He crawled off of him, standing up and folding his arms nonchalantly, the nostalgic taste of human blood fresh in his mouth.

Sakura had not responded. She was banging her fists on the floor, weeping. Maybe this was some sort of ritual? He had heard about that. Hazing?

"S-Sasuke-kun," she squeaked through tears and gasps for air, clutching her stomach. "Oh my god. I-hahaha- I didn't think he'd actually _bite_ you-!"

"I'm supposed to be going on a _journey,_ Sakura, and I've got a man's bite mark on my arm! They're going to think I'm homeless!"

 **"You were no match for me,"** Kurama confirmed. **"Even these human teeth sufficed to mark you, Uchiha."**

"I hope you've had your shots," Sasuke hissed, cradling his arm, "you little bitch cat."

 **"NOT ONLY AM I NOT A CAT, NOR FOX, I AM TIMELESS, AN IMMORTAL DESTROYER OF-"**

* * *

Kurama, Sasuke and Sakura were going to dinner with the rest of the Konoha 11. Kurama was struggling with the rubber things. The shoes.

 **"Why am I putting these things on my feet."**

"To protect your feet," Sakura said slowly.

 **"Fool! I am the Nine Tailed Fox, mover of mountains, destroyer of-"**

"People wear shoes," Sakura snapped. "Okay? That's what they do. Now shut the fuck up, we're going for dinner."

Kurama went quiet.

As they walked along, Sasuke scowling as he nursed a very human bite mark on his arm, a thought came to him.

 **"Naruto has informed me that this vessel cannot digest substances other than 'ramen'."**

"He's lying. We're going to go eat something proper, since Naruto refuses to."

 **"You dare contradict him?"**

"Yes, he's talking shit. Sasuke-kun, where do you want to eat?"

"I need to go to the hospital."

"Stop being a little bitch. Whatever- we'll go for barbecue."

* * *

Kurama let Sakura operate the 'door' for him. They were a threat he had not accounted for.

Inside of the... wood hut, there were many people, and many dead animals. Kurama assumed this must be what they call a feast. Wonderful.

"Ino! This is, um..."

 **"Kurama."** He stared straight at the blonde, deep into her soulless, pupilless eyes.

"I don't want to sit next to him," she said to Sakura. "No offence, but I'm sure you accidentally killed a few of my relatives."

 **"None taken, I am a global threat."**

They sat down. Kurama wanted to curl up on the floor and growl at strangers, but that was not, quote Sakura, "sociable".

There were others around. He didn't remember their names because he couldn't eat them and so he didn't care.

Kurama was having difficulty with the sticks. He decided this was a stupid way to consume food.

 **"This is a highly ineffective utensil,"** he reiterated, staring at the rice. **"And I don't want to eat wet grass with acid on it."**

Silence.

 **"I will settle for a dog."**

"No one's feeding you a fucking dog, Kurama."

Ino sighed. "I think Lee and everyone else are due here soon..."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm not looking forward to him introducing Kurama to the Springtime of Youth."

Huh, thought Kurama. That sounded vaguely familiar.

 **"I have no use for a springtime of youth,"** Kurama said, submitting to his instincts and plunging his face into the bowl of rice. **"I am an immortal and infinite being."**

"Don't speak too soon!"

Sasuke looked like he was going to vomit. Kurama followed his expression of pure disgust to find-

"I have already, pre-emptively forgiven you for all of the murder you have committed over the course of your long life!" the green creature said, teeth bared.

And what a face it was- a face Kurama knew from years ago.

* * *

Kurama was a tiny fox and knew nothing of all the murder he would commit. He was frolicking in the fields, no villages, no anything. Quite content, really.

There was a rustle in the trees.

 **"Shukaku, if that's you, go suck a fat sweaty demon bollock."**

"Oh! This should be quite sufficient for dinner!" a confident voice cried from the wood.

A cluster of humans emerged. Oh. How boring.

 **"I'm not entirely sure you can eat me,"** said Kurama. **"Or if I am palatable."**

"We aren't picky!" another voice cried.

Now that Kurama looked, they were a quite unusual bunch. Same colour hair, same haircut... same clothes, even. Must be a clan.

 **"If you try to eat me,"** Kurama said, flexing his paws, **"I'm just going to kill all of you. My dad said it's okay if it's 'Elf-the-fence'."**

"Don't take it personally," one of them smiled, flashing him a great big grin and a thumbs up. "We're just trying to survive! We're not a big clan, after all."

When the ninja each unveiled things ranging from nunchuks, knives and just their fists, Kurama raised his tails and bared his shiny clean teeth.

And it was not, as he expected, over quick.

Hours later, Kurama was exhausted. Of all of his _extremely humongous_ chakra, he'd lost all but a smidgen.

To one man. He'd picked off the rest, one by one. They had been the most tenacious men and women he'd ever fought.

The man before him was heaving for breath, but kept his gaze level.

 **"Is that the entirety of your clan, then?"** Kurama said.

"Yes," he said. "All but me."

 **"Well, you won't need me for dinner then. Off you go."**

The man was still, staring at him with dark eyes.

"If you let me go," he said. "I will haunt you."

 **"Like a ghost?"**

"Like a spectre," the man nodded. "I will follow you throughout this life and the next. You won't be free of me or my image. I'll live to fight you. Everytime you see me, I will be stronger."

 **"Your clan is gone. Who's going to come after me if you die here, today?"**

"I don't need blood," said the man. "My soul is in my creed. My beliefs. And those will live as eternally, as constantly as you, Nine Tails."

Kurama blinked.

 **"My name is Kurama,"** he offered. **"Being haunted sounds quite fun. So I'll let you go - but tell me about your beliefs and your clan, first. They were formidable."**

The man grinned, teeth gleaming.

"It's a very simple creed," he said. "It's about having the strength to persevere - about being able to protect what you believe in. The ability to not be disheartened, to try your best no matter what."

That _is_ rather simple, thought Kurama. **"Well, alright."**

"You see, our clan is about unification under one belief," said the man. "We don't share the same name."

 **"What's it called then?"**

"The Springtime of Youth. And my name-"

* * *

 **"THAT'S HIM!"** roared Kurama, throwing himself down the table. Rice and barbecue went flying. **"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!"**

Sasuke didn't even flinch, beef sliding off his face. Ino was slackjawed. And Lee, despite not knowing what was going on, seemed absolutely ecstatic.

 **"BEST GUY!"** boomed Kurama, throwing Lee the best thumbs up he could muster. **"I DEMAND A REMATCH!"**

* * *

 _A/N: Originally written for a prompt on spacebattles forums. Stay cool everyone!_


End file.
